I celebrate my mother and her memory each day, especially mothers day, and in that I cannot help but feel a pain from her loss. I have been hesitant to post about Mother’s Day because I couldn’t bring myself to open up at a time that I felt so vulnerable. It has taken me a couple days to collectively gather my thoughts and what I wanted to say which is why I am a little late to the topic. Regardless of the day, it is a hard memory to share but I know I am not the only one who deals with this pain. I want to be a voice for all of those who feel the heartache on these days because I want you to know you’re not alone. We are in this together and you have inspired me to share.
When I was younger I had a very close relationship to my mother. After she passed away we had to move out of our family home and I couldn’t bring myself to open up any of the boxes from a room that had grown cold with fond and all too familiar memories. Years went by and I finally mustered up the strength to go through these belongings and among them I found a letter that my mom wrote to me very long ago. I forgot about the note and sat down to read it. One of the things she said, that will always live with me for the rest of my life was this;
“I know your heart. It is genuine and true. It is pure as fallen snow. Please do not let anyone break your spirit.”
When I say the person I am today is a result of the person my mother was, I mean it. She made me take the word hate out of my vocabulary because we could never hate anyone. She would try to make me laugh when I wanted to cry. And when we would fight we could only muster up a whole five minutes of being mad and then we would get dinner like nothing ever happened. She taught me not to hold on to anger or negative feelings. She was my best friend, my mother and everything I aspired to be as a woman.
I try to remember to be pure, to be whole, even when I feel like I am in pieces.
Mother’s day this year came around and I thought I was prepared, but there really isn’t anything one can do to prepare themselves for these hard times. I wondered why my heart had been feeling extra empty the last couple weeks and it’s because this day has been lurking around in the shadows. Losing a loved one, let alone a parent is a heart break one can’t even explain. It is something that will leave a huge void inside me and I’m unsure if it can ever be filled. So although Mother’s Day brings around a feeling of emptiness and sadness it’s only because I was so blessed to have such an amazing mother. I was blessed to have such a unique bond and to have someone who could leave a lasting impression for the rest of my life.
So to those who have lost a parent and can relate, be thankful for the love that you had and know that one day you will meet again. For now they will watch over us and smile at the person we are becoming.
In loving memory, a happy Mother’s Day to Robin Merlo.